Actual Signs
~*~
SIGNS OF THE TIMES
~ Actual signs as reported ~
~*~

 
Drive carefully,
we'll wait.
In the front yard
of a funeral home

 
On an electrician's truck
Let us remove
your shorts.

 
Outside a radiator repair shop
Best place in town
to take a leak.

 
In a non-smoking area...
If we see you smoking,
we will assume
you are on fire and
take appropriate action.

 
On a maternity room door...
Push,  Push,  Push.

 
On a front door
Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian...
except the dog.

 
If you don't see
what you're looking for,
you've come
to the right place.
At an optometrist's office

 
We really know
our stuff.
On a taxidermist's window

 
Let me meat
your needs.
On a butcher's window

 
Come in,
I knead the dough!
On a bakers shop

 
On a fence
Salesmen welcome.
Dog food is expensive.

 
At a car dealership ...
The best way to get
back on your feet...
~ miss a car payment ~

 
Outside a muffler shop
No appointment necessary.
We'll hear you coming.

 
Drop your pants here.
In a dry cleaner's emporium

 
We shoot every
3rd salesman,
and the 2nd one
just left.
On a desk in 
a reception room

 
Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit!   Stay!
In a veterinarian's
waiting room

 
Dye Now !
In a Beauty Shop

 
Don't stand there
and be hungry,
come in and get fed up.
In a restaurant window

 
Please be quiet.
We need to hear
a pin drop.
Inside a bowling alley

 
Shoes are required
to eat in the cafeteria.
Socks can eat
any place they want.
In a cafeteria

 
Sign in London
department store
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

 
HORSE MANURE:
$1 PER PRE-PACKED BAG
.25 CENTS DO-IT-YOURSELF
Outside a farm

 
PLEASE REMOVE
ALL YOUR CLOTHES
WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
In a laundry,
on each
washing machine

 
On a church door
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN
~ ENTER YE BY THIS DOOR ~
(This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use the side door)

 
* SMARTS *
THE MOST EXCLUSIVE
DISCO IN TOWN.
EVERYONE WELCOME
Outside a disco

 
In a London office
AFTER TEA BREAK
STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN
ON THE DRAINING BOARD

 
In a cleaner's window
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE
FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS
WILL BE DISPOSED OF

 
~ OUT TO LUNCH ~
IF NOT BACK BY FIVE,
OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
Outside a
photographer's studio

 
CLOSED
DUE TO ILLNESS
In a health food shop

 
In a farmer's field
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT BE AWARE THAT
THE BULL CHARGES

 
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE
ON THE FIRST FLOOR
In a hotel during
a conference

 
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING
(Please knock hard on the door
the bell doesn't work)
On a repair shop door

 
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
In a safari park

 
In an office building washroom
TOILET OUT OF ORDER PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

 
On a bulletin board
The community chorus will begin Monday night
Rehearsals at 6 p.m.
We have a special need
for men's voices,
but all other parts are welcome.

 
In a bakery window next to Weight-Watchers Club
Note to Weight Watchers
All cake sales are confidential.

 
Sign for Diaper Service
BUM WRAPS

 
Sign facing
the waters edge
Lake Riley Minnesota
~ NO PARKING ~
FIRE LANE

 
Outside a drive shaft shop
and on their trucks
LET US GIVE YOU
THE SHAFT



 
 
Make sure you see all the
ACTUAL SIGNS and MORE ACTUAL SIGNS

TWO

THREE

FOUR

FIVE

SIX

SEVEN

 

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"WORDS"
Original by BeeGees
Sequencer Unknown

Revised... Constantly
Copyright © 2000 - 2011 Dennis Unfried

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